On my way there

Time flies fast. It has been long since I last wrote. A lot have already happened. The last entry I wrote was about how I enjoyed my clinical duty as a student nurse. Now, here I am, a registered nurse, a professional nurse by definition, currently employed as a research associate in the Research Ethics Board of my alma mater, UP Manila and is enjoying a funny and happy love life (still not used to calling 'us' a lovelife or a couple).

I am finally a registered professional nurse. This statement may sound simple and may elicit the so-what reaction or the-hell-I-care-there-are-a-lot-more-professionals-like-you expression but for me, it isn’t just that. Before being able to state that fact – that sweet fact – I went through what I cannot describe precisely, life in UP, life in UPCN. Again, those phrases sound ordinary but they really aren't and those who went through the same can attest what I’m talking about. Burnout – I almost experienced every essence of this word, physiologically, mentally, socially, emotionally and even spiritually. However, as days passed, I learned to extract fun from stress, to keep calm when everything’s toxic. I was able to adapt – looks like I was efficient. I’m extremely happy not only because finally, I graduated from the university I dreamt of and I survived UPCN, but also because I learned a lot. By a lot I mean not only those from textbooks and from lectures, I also mean the experiences we had and the lessons from them. By experiences I mean not only those academically-related but also those not within the confines of the academe. The rough journey enabled me to stand by certain principles, to junk what was to be junked and to embrace new ideas. I learned to be critical and analytical with things. That journey blessed me with new relationships that are to be cherished. It made me nearer to the wholeness I am aiming for. For that, I greatly thank all the people who were there to support me: my family, who were always genuinely concerned for me but whom also I usually disregard in exchange for stuff like studying or partying; my college friends, who patiently stuck with me through thick and thin even though I could have been the boring one or the tamest of us (haha); my high school friends, who never fail to share the laughter with me when we had the chance; to my professors who may have tortured us but who believed in us and to everyone else – the utility persons, those guys in ALVA, those kuyas in the computer shops, the food vendors, all those who have been part of that unforgettable journey. I owe everyone a lot of thank you’s. But of course, these people would not be around if God had not shared these good creations of Him with me.

But, does it end with graduation? Does it end with being a registered professional nurse by document? Back then, I just wanted to be done with everything involving college. I just wanted to be cleared from those papers, examinations, clinical duties. But now, I seem to miss the work, the adrenaline. Now, here I am, asking myself, “So what’s next? What’s our plan, selfie?” I don’t want to lag. I don’t want to do nothing (can’t believe I’m saying this now, haha). I want everything in motion. I want myself in motion. Therefore, a temporary resort was applying for a temporary job. I ended up as a research associate in UPMREB. I am particularly assigned to be the secretariat of the Serious Adverse Events (SAE) Subcommittee. It’s an interesting job. To have a fair idea of how UPMREB is, let me give you a simple description. Researchers send their protocols (project proposals) to the UPMREB for ethical review – that is, to ensure that no human subjects are harmed in their projects. Protocols undergo deliberation by the UPMREB panel members who usually are doctors with various fields. When these protocols are approved, the researchers are required to submit reports regarding adverse events that happen to their subjects during the course of the research. And that’s where the SAE Subcommittee enters. I, as the secretariat, filter and organize these reports while the subcommittee members tackle these events and come up with a decision for the protocol – to uphold the approval previously granted, discontinue the study, etc. It’s fun because I get to be more familiar with research and because we’re dealing with clinical stuff. I mean, they’re not far from what I learned in Nursing. The things that only disappoint me at work are (1) the “seniority complex” we, newbies, are experiencing from the older employees and (2) the backlog those employed before us left. I hate to discuss these anymore and I really won’t. Besides those, work is fun.

Aside from professional growth, so far, I involved myself in an I-pray-that-this-is-a-right-romantic relationship with a high school classmate of mine. We’ve been classmates since first year and if I were to describe our friendship since then, it was purely “asaran”. I can’t even remember us talking about something serious until that one night near our graduation when we talked about “us”. All we had before were silliness, nonsense laughter and high school fun and thrill. It’s a complicated story - how we became together again, how we caught up with each other - because despite the technology available, we barely had communication with each other until the fourth year of college. It’s a complicated story that I won’t tell right now. All that matters is that here we are, together as “us” again. We have a lot of what if’s like “What if we pursued ‘us’ before we graduated high school?” When he asks me that, I say, “I can’t tell but I’m just thankful that we’re given a chance this time. I don’t regret not giving ‘us’ an opportunity way back in high school. If I did, I would not be this same Maan you’re with now. I lived the four years single and I regret nothing. By having those years romantically alone, I think I made a good foundation of myself and that’s a great deal. I love you.”

Why did I write this? Well, I was supposed to introspect how I am now. Am I happy? Now I can say I am enjoying what I have now and I am very grateful for these blessings. I know I’m still up for bigger things but I don’t worry, because I know I am on my way there.