EXTERNAL DRIVE

Train sings to my ears,  “Play that song That will make me go all night looong.” All night long. I have been trying to be productive for some nights long now. I have been reading, attempting to catch my school backlogs up, preparing for exams. At the same time, I have been worrying.  It has been long since the last time I wrote, or more precisely, blogged. A lot has happened which are not entered here and for which I’ll find time and gather feelings to write.  A summary would be that after my research associate stint in UP-NIH, I worked as a nurse in PGH. I think this was my last life move that was according to my plan. The next steps I took were all impulsive. A year later, I enrolled for a Master’s degree in Special Education from which I eventually quit. I was interested with the field but a mere interest did not motivate me enough to brave through the Taft-Diliman traffic thrice a week after toxic shifts at work.  On my third year as a nu...

I was in a supermarket, particularly in the isle for coffee and coffee mixes. I was looking for a particular brand of ground black coffee when a man  approached me. He had messy hair, wore a soiled wrinkled button-down polo shirt and an untidy pair of  corduroy  shorts. He had edematous feet that fit in a pair of Duralites. He was around his early 50s or perhaps he just looked older than his age. He asked me, “Ate, meron ka bang dos dyan? Siete kasi ‘tong kape,” while showing me a sachet of Kopiko and a five-peso coin on his callous hand. This man had a sword thrusted through my heart, engraving the message, “Check your privilege.” There I was, looking for an overpriced brand of coffee, while that man did not have enough to buy himself a seven-peso coffee. I could not stomach to purchase that pricey black coffee while a poor man begged for a sachet of cheap coffee. So, I bought the man coffee and a loaf of bread. Another stranger also gave him something to eat.  ...

I just finished reading “The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein and here, I am now a set of eyebags with a face. The book’s incredible. It was a dog talking in the book! I highly recommend it especially to dog-lovers. However, I warn you to have your Kleenex within your hand’s reach while reading. Even before I bought this book, I was already familiar with the title for it was always featured in articles as one of those gifts or books recommended for dog-lovers. I was not that enthusiastic about it because I had other set of books waiting to be read in the previous months. That was until one day, when I was randomly scouting for Christmas gifts in a bookstore, I happen to notice this book with a dog on its cover. It was misplaced in a shelf for magazines. I felt like I was destined to buy this book – a dog, specifically a Golden Retriever, on the cover; a title I used to read on articles; and it being misplaced and being found by me! So yeah, I grabbed it, paid for it and i...

Lolo passed away yesterday morning at a reasonable and blissful age of 95 years. I did not expect it to happen this soon – this soon that he did not see me achieve the way I imagined, that he was not able to experience what I want to provide him by the time I am truly successful. I wanted to see him smile as he sees me grow professionally and personally. I wanted to see him happy just as how he was when he walked me to the stage during my preschool and elementary graduation, when he welcomed me home from my high school graduation (he was weak to come with me back then), when he waited for me to come home during college breaks and after college, when he talked to me on the phone while I was here in Manila studying and eventually working. I wanted to make him proud, to make him feel that all his sacrifices for me are worth it. By sacrifices I mean SACRIFICES. Lolo, since I was a child, has become a father to me. From the time our family moved to Romblon when I was 4, Lolo has been s...

I am not a “super” fan of beauty pageants but I like watching them. To see the contestants’ physical beauty, it is enough for me to see them in their long gowns or national costumes (because there is greater variety in these attires than others) but to gauge their wit, I really have to watch the question and answer portion. This part is the most important for me because this measures more accurately (in comparison to modelling various attires) real beauty. I believe that beauty is not superficial. I believe that beauty is from within – from the heart and from how one thinks. In this world, I believe that many are physically attractive but few are those with good hearts and beautiful minds. Soooooooo... When I watched the Coronation Night of Binibining Pilipinas 2014, I really focused on the Q&A part. The questions varied from easy to difficult and very good questions. In my opinion, no answer from the ladies was very good (because no answer gave me goosebumps and it’s disappoi...

Sa ilang taon kong naging estudyante, ang dami ko nang exams na pinagdaanan. Ang dami ko nang exams na pinerfect (haha weh? syempre joke lang to), ipinasa at ibinagsak. Wala akong pakialam sa kung ilan ba ang nagkaroon ng aling resulta. Ang punto ko ngayon e kahit ang dami ko nang sinagutan at iniwang blangkong exam, ganon pa rin ang pakiramdam. Ganon pa rin ang pakiramdam ng naghihintay ng resulta – laging walang kasiguraduhan. Simulan natin to sa panahon bago mag-exam. Paano ba ako maghanda para sa exam? Depende rin kasi sa kung anong exam. Depende sa kung gamay ko na ba iyong topic o iyong subject. Kumbaga, kung nahihirapan ako, mag-aaral ako nang todo. Kung nadadalian ako, magrereview na lang ako nang kaunti. Paano ko ba nasasabi kung mahirap? Unang una, kung kahit anong pilit ng intindi ko sa kanya, nalilito ako. Komplikado. Meron din namang komplikado na nga, sobrang haba pa. Pwede ring komplikado, mahaba at halos memorization. Paano ako mag-aral nang todo? Syempre, ...

Hi Tart! Meron ulit akong blog entry for you, March 2014 edition. Kung bubusisiin mo ang blog na to, may  entry ako para sa “The sweetest so far” pero ngayon, super na-break break break mo na ang record na iyon. Almost a year na tayong “tayo” pero alam natin na hindi lang sa almost one year na iyon tayo nagsimula. Simulan natin sa paulit-ulit nating binabalikang pangyayari noong first year high school tayo. Bagong estudyante ka ng Bracelli, fresh from Bulacan samantalang ako, sa Bracelli na ‘ko lumaki (kung lumaki man ako), tubong San Andres. Isa sa pinakainaabangan ko sa pagiging high school ay ang magkaroon ng maraming bagong kaklase at isa ka doon. Late ka pa nga ipinakilala sa batch natin e, ewan ko kung bakit pero ibang kwento na siguro iyon at baka ikaw na dapat ang magkwento noon. Anyway, pinakilala ka na ng butihin nating adviser na si Mrs. Faigao sa pagkakatanda ko (correct me kung mali, haha). At nagkataong sa dulo ka pinaupo kung saan din ang pwesto ko at naging ...

Before 2013 ends, I want to reflect on what this year did to me or what I did with this year. Generally, 2013 has been good to me and so far, this has been the longest year I had. A lot happened and I can now attest to what my former professor said, “A lot of people and things come, go and change in your twenties.” While browsing online, I stumbled upon this one article entitled “Seven Questions to Ask about Last Year” and this, I thought, would be a good reference as to how I will reflect about the ending year. Question 1: If the last year were a movie of your life, what would the genre be? Honestly, I cannot classify how my life has been in the past year. It’s a combination of 65% comedy, 10% drama and 25% romance. I’m certain, however, that it is not a tragedy. Oh, let me revise that. It is 60% comedy, 10% drama, 15% romance and 15% ACTION. Haha! Question 2:  What were the two or three major themes that kept recurring? This year, my life has been mostly about my tra...

I am employed in a government institution with my position labelled Research Associate I. The words research and associate, together – sounds fascinating, right? But no, I now associate those words with exploitation. What do I get from this job given that I’m under job order? Aside from additional knowledge about drugs, I’m paid a gross amount of Php 13, 500.00 a month (NO WORK, NO PAY and we receive no benefits) and I get my time spent while waiting for my dream job. I can also resign anytime despite my contract covering six (6) months (but I opt not to because I have honor for my word). What do I do in this job? Just refer to my previous blog entry ( http://ang-externaldrive.blogspot.com/2013/08/on-my-way-there.html ). I am already in my 5 th month in this job and so far, I’m hating it. At the same time, I’m glad because I’m getting closer to the day when my contract ends. I have been through a lot in this job. I had a lot of “required” overtimes. I even experienced staying awa...

During gloomy times like this, I just have to think of happy thoughts and when I can’t I just have to sleep; then again when I can’t I force myself to think of happy thoughts and then force myself to sleep. Cycle. Endless. Good thing is that I learned a new way to escape from the negative feels. I just have to look at pretty things, happy photos, relaxing videos. This time, I had to look at the beauty of sunflowers. The first thing I liked about sunflowers is that they are yellow. Yellow looks happy. Yellow looks light. Yellow looks carefree. Yellow looks independent. These traits are just how I want to be. Aside from their color, I love how sunflowers bloom. When they bloom, it’s as if they are sharing their beauty to the world. The visibility of their seeds looks like they want to share their happiness by letting the wind and the insects spread their tiny seeds. Sunflowers symbolize the sun – the sun that shines, the sun that lightens, the sun that comes after the storm, the sun tha...

Time flies fast. It has been long since I last wrote. A lot have already happened. The last entry I wrote was about how I enjoyed my clinical duty as a student nurse. Now, here I am, a registered nurse, a professional nurse by definition, currently employed as a research associate in the Research Ethics Board of my alma mater, UP Manila and is enjoying a funny and happy love life (still not used to calling 'us' a lovelife or a couple). I am finally a registered professional nurse. This statement may sound simple and may elicit the so-what reaction or the-hell-I-care-there-are-a-lot-more-professionals-like-you expression but for me, it isn’t just that. Before being able to state that fact – that sweet fact – I went through what I cannot describe precisely, life in UP, life in UPCN. Again, those phrases sound ordinary but they really aren't and those who went through the same can attest what I’m talking about. Burnout – I almost experienced every essence of this wor...